Day 3. To tell you the truth, I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never been so sad. My heart literally feels like it’s breaking. It’s this anger and sadness I never thought I could ever feel. I never thought a person could ever feel this way, really. It’s all been such a nightmare. My thoughts these past 6 months have just been so incredibly awful. I didn’t know I could even think this negatively. I know there isn’t much I should be scared of, but I simply can’t mentally think positively. It’s painful really. I’ve been so incredibly stressed out. More stressed than a 15 year old girl should be. It’s quite insane, actually.
I hope you know that I’ll never leave you. I hope you trust me. Seeing how I feel like this, I don’t think anyone would ever believe that I would leave you. I won’t. Not for a second for the rest of my life. And I PROMISE you that. I also know that you’ll never leave me. I can tell by your assurance, and the way you treat me. You treat me with such respect and love. Everyone can see it. My parents tell me it all the time. They love you, we all love you, I LOVE YOU.
I miss everything about you, and as I lay here in my bed tonight I wish and I pray that you would show up and my doorstep. That you were here laying with me. The tears that fall from eyes are unstoppable. I can’t control them. They simply just keep coming. I don’t know what to do or how to think positively. I don’t know how to deal with this and control myself. I can’t be happy. I really can’t. All I want is to have a smile on my face. All I want is to hold you hand and feel like I belong somewhere. I don’t get that here. I’ve left all my happiness behind, or really, I’ve just been forced to. There is nothing that makes me happy here. Nothing I want is here. I wanna be back home, and although this is my real and only true home, wherever you are is where my home is. It’s where my comfort is and my happiness is. I just want that. I want to feel loved again. And I do, just not the way I do when I’m with you. I miss the touch of you hands and the way you play with my hair. I miss you soft lips against mine. I don’t want to have to say “xoxo” or “blow me a kiss”, I want a real kiss and real hugs. I miss running my hands up and down your flawless body. I miss touching each feature on your face and running my hands through your hair. I miss staring into your eyes. I miss all the thoughts and emotions and feelings that run through my body when we look at each other. I miss smiling and laughing. I miss your silly jokes and the way you make fun of everything I do. I miss being happy. To be honest with you, I haven’t smiled or laughed once since I’ve been here. If that doesn’t tell you anything about all this, I’m not sure what does. I’m the happiest person anyone will ever meet. I’m constantly smiling and laughing. I guess it really comes to show you how much I care about you. NO ONE will EVER make me feel the way I feel about you and I hope you know that. Know it, and NEVER forget it.
All I want is you. That’s it. That’s all I want. NOW and FOREVER. All I ever need is you. You’re everything I want, and you’re my happiness. Everything I need is you and part of you. I’d do anything to come back home and be with you, but I can’t.
I’ll see you soon. I know that. I miss you so much. I love you til the day I die.